الخميس، 17 ديسمبر 2015

Club World Cup: Guangzhou vs Barcelona: Lineups, Goals, Videos, Updates

Barça begins the quest for its fifth trophy of 2015, but does the Club World Cup semi-final really matter? We tried to make you believe it does

You know Barcelona will play this Thursday, right? Seriously, that's a real question. In case you missed it, the Blaugrana do play a competitive football match (kind of) in Japan, against Chinese powerhouse (!!!!) Guangzhou Evergrande.

The new format of the Club World Cup is supposed to be inclusive with a lot of teams and a lot of different Asian countries, but I really prefer the way it was until 2004: European champions against South American champions, one game, in Tokyo. It's not like that anymore, but at least the game is in Japan! But it's not against the South American champions just yet. There's a game against an unknown opponent who'll play the game of its life but probably won't be good enough to even excite Barça to play at their remote best.

This is such an uninteresting match that we've changed our preview format. Instead of team news and everything you usually see, I've tried to come up with a few reasons to get you interested in the game. If I fail, it's not my fault.

Cue my favorite song, here we go!

1. Guangzhou has the best/worst coach in football history

Luis Felipe Scolari is a character more than he is a coach at this point. Between 2002 and 2006, he was the guy who won the World Cup with Brazil and took Portugal to the tournament's semifinal, something that they have never done before. After that, he went full character and his coaching career went downhill: he was brought in as Chelsea manager, and had an abysmal time with the Blues, getting into fights with every important squad member and eventually being kicked out the door hated by everyone in the club. LITERALLY EVERYONE.

After that, he took time off, then he came to Brazil to coach his favorite club, won a Brazilian Cup with that team and then got relegated TWO MONTHS LATER. That terrible experience, obviously, turned him into a guy nobody wanted... except the Brazilian national team, who brought Scolari back for the 2014 World Cup hoping that Big Phil could all of a sudden return to twelve years ago and win the title with the same old tactics and training methods. It did work for five games... and then Germany happened. You remember that.

China apparently doesn't, because they brought Scolari in just 8 months after the 7-1. Granted, Big Phil has been incredibly successful with Guangzhou, winning the Chinese League and the Asian Champions League, so that's a rebound! Now he's saying that Barça doesn't miss Neymar because they have 25 other Neymars, and that he's confident his team will win.

I love you, Scolari.

2. Guangzhou features your best Brazilian underachievers.

Robinho, The Next Pelé, The Neymar Before There Was Neymar, The Chosen One, is playing with Guangzhou. He's a bench player. And plays very few minutes. You might know him from his magical years at Real Madrid... OK, magical is the wrong word.

There's also Paulinho, the midfielder who arrived at Tottenham with the promise of becoming a superstar in the Premier League. Spurs had enough of him after just 18 months and shipped him off to China.

There's no shortage of (almost) stars in this semi-final, I can tell you that.

3. The semi-final is easy, nothing bad EVER happens.

Wait... didn't David Villa break his leg in the 2011 semi-final???

(Thinking.)

NO, HE DID NOT! PLEASE TURN YOUR TV ON AND WATCH THE GAME! HE DID NOT!

Oh, crap.

Wait, but I got something!

4. Lionel Messi will play.

That's enough of a reason, right? Right?

I knew I wouldn't fail.

So again, just to make sure you watched the class, kids: the game is on Thursday morning (really early morning if you're in the US, or night, if you're in Asia), and it's a real match against a real opponent with real stakes! Read the four points above again and again until you're excited.

See you tomorrow.



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